Day 18 - Hola Sinor´s and Sinorita´s

After just over two adventure filled weeks and 2500km I have finally made it to Tarifa a bit leaner, hairier, more culturally aware, just as linguistically challenged and with some truly horrendous cycle tan marks. Far from being a warm-up the race has been on from the second I landed in France, to get to Tarifa with winter fast approaching and conditions becoming less favourable by the day to make a swim attempt. Slogging myself from dawn till dusk without an opportunity to rest on untrained legs has been a real challenge and I just hope I´ve got some juice left in the tank to swim across to Morocco!

Still it´s been a fantastic experience and I´ve seen some awesome landscapes and wildlife along the way. In fact, I am rapidly becoming one of the world's leading experts on road kill and although I haven´t been desperate enough to sample any yet I came close at times in Spain, where the food leaves a lot to be desired. With pig products and cakes (of the calibre I haven´t tasted since my home economics food GCSE) all the rage, I could finish a day's cycling and struggle to find anything that appealed in an entire supermarket. I am deeply troubled by the state of the Spanish palate and will put it to the true test by sampling some malt loaf on locals over the next few days - I shall report back....

Having learnt a great deal about the nitty gritty of cycle touring over the last couple of weeks I feel that it is only fair that I impart some of my new-found knowledge so that others don´t make the same mistakes...

• Firstly, spend time building a relationship with your bike, start by giving her a name (mine is Bertha as dictated by her personality and form). Initially it is like the start of any relationship, there will be a few clumsy touches and awkward misunderstandings as you move through the gears and get to know each other but at the same time you will be aware of the potential the relationship has. If you feel like things are moving too quickly and you are losing control gently apply the brakes. Use lubrication as required to get things running smoothly and before long you will have a number of shared experiences and be ticking along nicely in a long lasting and rewarding relationship or at least until you have enough money for a model upgrade!!
• If using a Leather saddle make sure it is well broken in beforehand unless you wish to experience the kind of bum pain you can only imagine suffering from after binge eating chilli´s for a month.
• Do some training in the two months preceeding your expedition unless you want to suffer from acute rigamortis when you wake up every morning.
• Do not attempt to squat after a full day's riding unless you have a tree to hand - even then it is unadvisable.
• Even when suffering from extreme starvation do not attempt to eat cheese thins or any other cracker type biscuit if you are running low on water.
• Do not expect the directions of locals to be wholly accurate if you have seen them zig zag down the street towards you on a moped at 8 am on a Sunday morning and have breath like a tramp.
• Find ways to keep yourself amused through low points, one of my favourites was to stop and ask french people "toute direction L´Afrique du Sud?". 
• Never under any circumstances take a leak in public in bib shorts (greco wrestling style shorts with shoulder straps that you have to bend over double to wee out of) unless you want to look as if you´re searching desperately for your essentials or trying to give yourself a golden shower.
• Embrace the camaraderie amongst cyclists that comes with the shared experience of being humiliated by wearing lycra and having your full package on display in public. Lycra is thicker than water and I was shown some amazing generosity and help along the way from the cycling family.
• Leave camping arrangements till the last minute when it is getting dark and make sure there are no campsites for miles. Look forlorn and exhausted, which incidentally shouldn´t be difficult,  and start approaching strangers to ask them where the nearest campsite is. It is essential that when you do this you stay down wind of the target. If lucky, as I was on a number of occasions, this high risk strategy will pay dividends and before you know it you´ll be freshly washed, sipping a nice cold beer and enjoying some local cuisine before tucking up in a bed for the night!

In all seriousness I have been shown some amazing generosity along the way from complete strangers, in particular I would like to say a special thanks to Joel and Christine Bermier, Christopher and Linda, Jose and Daniel and the many other people who have helped me out in times of need and made my journey thus far so much fun. 

Anyway the first element of the cross continent triathlon lies in wait - a brief swim across the Strait of Gibraltar! Perhaps fortunately the weather conditions are currently unsuitable so I will at least get a day or two´s rest before I attempt the crossing, and a chance to hone my doggy paddle which is a bit rusty having gone for almost 3 weeks without a proper swim. I´m meeting with the captain tomorrow morning so I will update you on the outlook and the challenge that lies ahead tomorrow....